London Calling

I am staring at it. It’s smoky gray with bold black letters in Times New Roman font. The block on my work computer reminding the staff in my office that I leave early today in order to take my son to the shuttle that will take him to the airport for his trip to London.

With the recent horrific attack at the Boston Marathon, so close to home, the thought of travel right now for me is not comfortable. Who am I kidding? I haven’t been on an airplane in 18 years. So it’s never comfortable.

But there is something in me that is keeping my basket case like tendencies at bay. Last night I got a good night sleep. Something rare for me lately. The night before my 16 year old son leaves to put the first ever stamp in his passport to boot? Go figure. The London Marathon is Sunday. And I got a full 7 hours of sleep last night when I have been averaging 4 or 5 per night.

The temperature of the world we live in might not always be warm. It might be scary and unkind and unforgiving. Despite this, my desire for my children to get the most out of life’s experiences is stronger than ever. I want for them to be worldly. To have high tea, to see the Eiffel tower, to travel to multiple continents if they so choose. Something I have never done and quite frankly have feelings of apprehension about. I refuse to pass on any quirky fears I have to them. I hope they live a year abroad. Learn a different language and celebrate the cultures of others. I would love for them to hop on a plane like it is second nature. Plan an African Safari or stand on a volcano.

When he leaves my sight, a deep breath of excitement laced with a tinge of anxiety will leave my body. I know it will, because it’s the same breath I am holding in right now and I can feel it growing inside my chest.

A part of me will be in London for the next week, because where he goes, I go in a way. My heart follows him around, not matter where his is. Waiting for the moment when we reconnect again.

When I leave him today, I will hug him dearly, with all I’ve got. His big broad shoulders just a little bigger than they were at Christmas. I will inhale and exhale as I always do, taking him in and smelling all of the little nuances of him. And I will keep that smell and that feeling inside of my soul until I get to do it again.

I am proud of him. I am nostalgic. I am emotional and slightly sad because I will miss his presence in our family. But most of all I am excited and so thrilled for him. He is lucky enough to have the first of many of his life changing experiences.

My tendency is to shelter. To tuck him under my wing and make sure no harm comes to him. But I am bucking the system. I will not harbor him and keep him from discovering the world around him.

The ‘world around him’ use to mean such things as flowers and trees, birds and animals, books and poetry, music and faith. Today it actually means the world.

To my boy: The world is your oyster kiddo. Go get it. Soak it in, internalize and learn from it. Be tolerant of others, be kind and treat others as you would want to be treated. Love hard, sing loud, walk with confidence and live with passion. Until you return, a little piece of me will be with you and when you come back, my whole heart will welcome you home.