Store 24

Lately, I am learning a lot at a very rapid pace. Not my usual. I can feel myself opening up more to letting things in like never before. Maybe I am evolving (written with a smirk on my face). Here's what I learned in the last 24 hours:

When you try to leave your house, by yourself, for a full day away from home, your children and husband may in fact, welcome your absence.

As you drive to a far off destination (78 miles, 1.5 hours away), the same people that welcomed your absence will now call multiple times with questions about sleepovers, cooking times and gruesome finds in the bathroom. Must put cell phone on silent.

If you ignore the fact that your windshield washer fluid is low, your vehicle will incessantly remind you with a very loud BEEP and a message in text that scrolls across your dash in perfect view while you drive, every 5 minutes or so. Just enough to be irritating, but not enough for you to stop and fill up your windshield washer fluid.

Hair does not perform well in the rain, no matter how many expensive styling products you use.

Reconnecting with an old friend is so comfy. Not the type of friend who treats you like their Plan B, but the kind that values who you are, simply because you are who you are. Good, Bad, Ugly. They don't pretend to be something they are not. And they do not expect you to.

Cancer sucks. It really, really does. If you have been blessed to know someone who has survived it, tell them what a magnificent miracle they are. If you know someone (even remotely) that is going through it, even a small gesture is incredibly monumental. If you have lost someone to it, then find laughter, joy and warmth in keeping their memory alive. This is not new to me in the last 24 hours, but the ways in which people sometimes deal with Cancer continue to amaze me. Make it something that you are aware of.

Cappucchino makes me FEEL Italian. And it's heavenly.

Talk to a child that isn't yours. They are funny, intelligent, honest and interesting. Make a memory with them. Look at them. Take them in.

Food  is awesome. Fattening food. Stop beating yourself up about it. Tell a fat girl she looks great. Wrap your arms around your husbands spare tire and tell him you love every inch of him and mean it. Don't look in the mirror and pick out the lumps and bumps that tell society you had a piece of cheesecake, just exercise your heart, mind and lungs, eat in moderation, and celebrate the fact that you have food to eat.

You really can pick family for yourself. I have love for a man who is not my husband, not related by DNA, but feels like he should be. He is my brother, whether it says so on paper or not.

Alcoholics are wounded people. In some ways we are all wounded people, walking around dripping in insecurities, loss, shame and regret. Recovering alcoholics are wounded people who have found their strength and power. We should all exercise our inherent strength and power. Use what your Mama gave you.

Crying is purposeful, especially when done in the company of a good and trusted friend. Hurting for someone else is the reason why we have not all killed each other off yet.

Do not rely on texting to make plans. Period. What happened to talking? Actually talking. For the first time yesterday I realized how much I hate the fact that a great percentage of us don't really talk anymore. Our friend list may be increasing in number but our true friendships are suffering. If we continue on down this technological path as it seems we are destined to, it may be quite possible that we will be virtually raising our children in 20 years. Face timing with teachers, holding birthday parties via Skype, disciplining on twitter #You'reGounded.

Say what you feel but be kind. Honesty is still the best policy. Don't mince words. Don't puree them either. Diluting them is OK. But with clear fluid.

Don't say 'No' and mean 'Yes'. It bugs me.

Friendship can come from the strangest places. This blog, a friend in common, a single word or gesture. Friendships are not always obvious. They can not always be explained. But knowing that they will always be there, is truly one of the most comforting things on the planet.

Surprise parties rock. I want one some day before I die. I just hope people show up.

Laughter is really the best medicine. So is being goofy with someone who doesn't care if you are beyond goofy. Quirky even. Maybe aloof. Quite possibly even awkward. And they still laugh with you. Those are the types of people you remember forever.

Reminder: The best type of advice given, is the type of advice that is asked for. Repeat 100 times daily. This one is for me only. I break this rule all the time.

An inner glow creates an outer one. Happy 40th Birthday Shannon. You are the definition of glow.

So much can be lost in translation.The only regret I have about the last 24 hours is something that got lost in translation. But I will fix it. I can fix things much better these days. I have finally figured out how to get out of my own way.  For I will go to the end of the earth for you. You matter to me. You know who you are.

I do not like the words 'special needs'. How about we replace it with 'personalized needs'?

White turtlenecks do not look good on anybody. Sorry.

My body temperature is changing. Not just changing, it's kind of changing in an epic, global warming kind of way. Glaciers melting, oceans rising, migration patterns changing. That type of change. Oh Goody.

Ultimately, my day was full. It was a live life to the fullest type of day. I didn't go sky diving or feed a village, it just felt full of such a wide range of emotions. And I actually felt them all. Sometimes I feel numb. Mom armor. But not now. It's as if the numbness is wearing off. I am past the pins and needles stage. Some parts of me are waking up for the first time.

A wise person once told me that "The most freeing feeling is when you live life as you see fit and stop caring about what others think of you."

I'm getting there.

I care about the ones I love and how they feel about me, but I can not control their feelings. Only you can control your feelings. Others do not make you feel a certain way, you do.

So this is my rambling, nonsensical (it's really a word), self-realizing, jumble of a recollection of how the last 1440 minutes went. Each day matters. Each surprise party missed is a lost opportunity to be surprised. Each person has light, the ability to glow. Every minute spent soaking it in, should make you realize that your life is precious. That others want to be with you, cry with you, laugh with you, even lose things in the translation with you, should make you feel blessed. Blessed that we have the opportunity to drink, eat, heal, bleed, make memories, open presents...be present.

Take this next 24 and make it memorable. Not just for you.

The World's Smallest Violin

'Writer's Block' is an understatement.

It's more like 'Adreneline Block' or 'Caffeine Absorption Block' or 'I Can't Process Anything That Requires More Than One Brain Cell Block' or 'My Electricity Got Shut Off Yesterday, Not Because I Don't Have Enough Money In My Account, But Because If It's Not On Auto Debit, I Can't Remember To Pay It On Time"...Block.

Seriously, yesterday, my electricity got shut off. According to my husband, the control over our finances that I currently have and have had for almost two decades, will be transferred to him in 3...2...1...

I try, I really do. But let's add it all up. Next month my youngest child turns 13 years old. That's enough. There is only so much a woman in her forties can take. Blog Over.

And then there is this....

I had to fire someone two weeks ago. She was a new hire and was not working out, so I let her go. I manage a very successful dental practice and today, amazingly, I had to call the police on a patient that was acting inappropriately. I am putting in a bunch of extra hours, as I should, due to a very important member of our team being out on maternity leave. The words 'maternity leave' sound so blissful. Just the same as the words 'all expenses paid trip to Bora Bora'. They sound identical to me.

Today I missed my daughter's field hockey game. The first one ever. EVER. I have never missed a game, play, dance recital, etc., that either one of my kids have participated in...ever. I am heart broken. And there will be more that I will not be able to be present at. It's just the beginning. This next month I will be scarce. Dinner either comes from a box, a restaurant or a friend's house.

The world that spins and the daily events that swirl around it, have caught up with me. I am losing. I ache, I sweat, and if I sneeze or laugh hard enough, I will certainly wet my pants. The furrow in between my once sparkling blue eyes has made me into the questioning, crotchety and yucky assed witch that I knew I would speed up to one day. And I have officially caught up with her and we have meshed into one.

I hate politics, politicians, political parties, political ads, political facebook posts, political bullying and polls, as well as poll booths, toll booths and Polly Pockets. I hardly ever use the word 'hate' but I have grown more accustomed to it rolling off my tongue and yesterday I had the audacity to correct the grammar of the punk working the register at Rite Aid.

I am helping plan my 25th High School Reunion, which is unnatural, as my mindset detests anything that insinuates that I didn't just recently became legal.

My children love me, but need me less and less. The air in my house is distinctly laced with all the teen spirit that can possibly hang on a molecule. I am closer than ever to the cold shoulder, opinions of their friends trumping mine, a sedan, a medication list, a bucket list, bunions, and the early bird special.

Today, I am not me. I am the worst version of myself.  I don't write this on such a day to have anyone in particular feel sorry for me, I just write it because 'it is what it is'. My favorite saying these days. "It is what it is". That saying drives my husband crazy (perhaps why I like it so much).

All of what I include here, does not have one ounce of air of complaining attached to it. I swear. I write it to be honest. I don't write misleading blurbs to force you to read between the lines, or facebook one lined posts that draw you into ambiguity. Today it's plain and simple. Those that know me best know that I would rather poke fun at myself why I am feeling this way ,than actually be serious about it, but unfortunately you (the reader) can not hear me snickering. It's not a full on laugh, just a snicker. Or maybe a quiet cackle.

I could very well be the old lady that yells at you for cutting through her yard. Two days ago I actually went the speed limit on my way to work. My thoughts wander to decaf. And night cream. And wondering where I can buy plastic to cover my furniture.

The point of this is, today I decided to relinquish what I deep down have held precious and dear to me for many, many years. I am coming face to face with my own hard nosed, rough edged approach that I aim at people that seem weak and instead of shooting them right between the eyes with my direct nature, I have decided to join them. To become one with the white flag. The towel. The quitter that I once pitied. I am trying on negativity. I am just in the dressing room and I really don't like the way my ass looks in it, so I won't have it on much longer, trust me.

I have decided after the week that I have experienced laced with hell fire, that I am one of the lucky ones. I will not morph into the the dingy broad. Hide behind my mostly black and neutral wardrobe. Or watch the Antiques Roadshow Marathon until I fall asleep on the couch.

No. I won't. I will not.

I will spin around in a huge about face and thank my friend Sarah for reminding me that writing is important to me and others, and thank Jess, a blogger that I have recently found, for her inspiration. She reminded me that it doesn't all have to make sense grammatically. Typos are fun. Run on sentences rock. Life is not always easy. Weakness is not failure. And questioning yourself and sharing your thoughts (and, yes, feelings. Blech.) can usually bring people together in ways that you could have never imagined. So out it goes into the universe. Off somewhere into cyber space. Go create your own black hole somewhere.

I have decided that the heart of me is resilient and can exorcise myself simply with a rough massage from a girl named Mandy and a pretty color for my toes. Something in the purple family.

Writer's Block be gone.