For Some Reason, I Can't Find a Title For This One

**Names have been changed. Parental discretion is advised, major truck driver mouth to follow…

It’s been about 8 months since it happened, so I think I can talk about it now.

Parked at the pharmacy, waiting for my prescription to be filled to combat a raging sinus infection, my head back against the head rest in my car, I opened my eyes and looked down in response to my ring tone and picked up quickly as I noticed the call was coming from my daughter’s middle school. Isn’t it funny, the little pulse that goes through your body when you see your kids’ school is trying to contact you? Your mind always goes to places that it shouldn’t go. In like a millisecond, you catastrophize everything in the blink of an eye and then some thread of common sense kicks in enough for you to answer the phone in a normal voice instead of shrilling: “What’s wrong??!!” Except this time, something was wrong.

Me: “Hello?”

School Receptionist: “Hi, is this Lily’s mom?”

Me: “Yes.”

School Receptionist: “Hi, we were just calling to check and see why Lily is absent from school today?”

Me: “She’s not absent, she got on the bus this morning. She is there.” Done, believe it or not, in a calm, normal voice.

School Receptionist: “Well, she is marked absent.”

Me: “Well she shouldn’t be. As I just said, she got on the bus this morning.”

School Receptionist: silence

Me: Silence…it feels as if I have no voice, I can’t use it. It’s gone for a few seconds and then I muster: “Hello?…I just told you that she should be there, go find her…now.”

All of a sudden, every organ in my body started to ache and felt like they were being rung out with very strong hands.  I had never really been aware of exactly where my organs were inside of me. Because of this incident, I am now very aware of were my pancreas is.

School Receptionist: “Okay, please hold and I will check.” In a very nervous voice.

I hold. Yeah, I hold. I start to shake, cry and think all kinds of awful stuff. My baby…where is she? Where the hell is she? It feels like forever as I sit on hold. After what seems like a miserable eternity, the receptionist gets back on the phone.

School Receptionist: “I checked with the student teacher in Lily’s classroom and he confirmed that she is marked absent. But her class is outside at PE right now and they are checking to see if she is out there. I am going to place you back on hold, I will be back to you as soon as I get word.” She says reassuringly.

Me: “Somebody better fucking find her.”

School Receptionist: “What?”

Me: “You heard me.”

Hold music.

Me: Well, lets just say, everything hurt. My heart, my brain, my soul, my entire being. Fear became palpable, I could taste it. ‘Shaking’ does not even begin to describe the state of what my body was now doing. It took almost 3 minutes for the receptionsist to come back on the phone.

School Receptionist: “We have found her. She was marked absent by accident. She is on her way to the office so that you can speak to her.”

Me (yup, unfortunately, it’s my turn): “Who is the dumbass, mother fucker that fucked this up?” Heart pounding in my chest wildly.

School Receptionist: “I am so sorry, WE are so sorry. I can assure you this just doesn’t happen. We all feel terrible.”

Me: “It just did. Me too, I feel terrible, too. I have just been to the brink of mother insanity and fucking back, so I understand feeling fucking terrible. Is Lily there yet?”

School Receptionist: “I will put her on as soon as she gets here.”

Hold music.

Lily: “Hi Mom!”

Fake calm voice, turned on.

Me: “Hi baby! Well it looks like they thought you weren’t at school today, that’s why you are talking to me in the middle of gym class.”

Lily: “I know, crazy huh?!” she said giggling in the cutest way ever.

Me: “Crazy is right! (fake chuckle). Well, I am glad you are doing okay, my dear. You can go back to class now. Have a good day babe.”

Lily: “Ok, see you when I get home. Bye, Mom, love you.”

Me; “I love you, too. By Lil.”

I would say that was it, but this happened on the same day as Parent Teacher Conferences. Yup.

5:00 pm and I walk in to the classroom and both of Lily’s team teachers are finishing up with the parents before me. I decide to stroll through the hallway and check out all of the art work and projects and start recounting my choice of words earlier in the day, yet again, feeling 90% sure of myself and 10% embarrassed.

As Mr. Dwyer and Mrs. Vincent finish up and say goodbye, they wave me to come in and Mr. Dwyer sticks out his head to greet me and says in a very serious and somber tone “I am the mother fucker that wants to take responsibility for what happened today.”

We all laughed. I did, however, still kinda think he was a mother fucker, though.

I apologized for my choice in words and both of them hugged me and told me how warranted it all was and that they would have done and acted the same, if they were in my position. My. Dwyer explained that he had to be at an early morning meeting, and his student teacher took attendance that day. He had mistakenly marked Lily absent in place of another student. But, Mr. Dwyer wanted to claim responsibility, as it was his classroom. He is, literally, one of the best teachers either one of my kids have ever had.

It could have happened to anyone. People make mistakes. I make plenty. I assured him that he was forgiven, with a couple of choice recommendations about new student teachers taking attendance in the lead teacher’s absence. As in, don’t do it again.

But, nothing can ever match the sound of my child’s voice on the phone that day. The wave of, for lack of a better word, relief, was overwhelming.

My baby girl was there. Thank God.